One Size Does Not Fit All

The use of Collaborative Family Law to Settle disputes

By Lawrence Greaves

The fall brings thoughts of back-to-school, relaxation (yes ‘cause the kids are in school), and hopefully some regular routines.  However, for some families that are experiencing separation and divorce, it can be stressful. Determining school and activity pick up and drop off schedules, or who is responsible for which care for children can bring certain additional pressure and challenges.  Heck even when parties are happily married, managing the fall and the children’s activities can be a test!

There are many methods of handling matrimonial disagreements such as going to court or hiring a mediator. However there is a new procedure called Collaborative Family Law which offers an interest-based negotiation model to assist in navigating changes experienced by families after separation.  Unlike the court process, Collaborative focuses on problem solving rather than exacerbating conflict.  I can indicate with a certain amount of authority, having been a family court lawyer for more than 30 years that, not unlike Marshall McLuhan wherein the “medium was the message” the thought of court, without anything else, creates enough stress to make even the most collegial of clients loathe the person whom they originally loved most.

In Collaborative Family Law, each spouse works with a collaboratively trained lawyer and third-party professionals (such as Accountants and Social Workers), who are neutral, to provide expert assistance in particular areas (family professionals who can help with important concepts such as parenting plans or financial professionals who can assist with property division and how you’re going to make ends meet!).  More about that later.

At the beginning of the Collaborative file, each party has the opportunity to identify what is important to them and to provide a list of their priorities.  We call this the “Needs and Goals” step.  This is all part of interest-based negotiation wherein each party clearly identifies their interest (such as maintaining a good relationship with their children or spouse, and being successful financially, post separation).  Each party can address their fears and concerns right at the beginning of the mediation.  In this way, the process can be customized to fit the particular needs of the parties.  One size does not always fit all.  For example, sometimes one party is “further along” in the separation process (emotionally spouses are rarely at the same place). In order to have the other party “catch up”, further sessions with a family professional may be warranted and are extremely beneficial to allowing mediation to proceed efficiently.

With the beginning of school and the new academic year ahead, the fall is often a time when separated parties need to establish a path for the upcoming school year.  I’ve always thought that the school year (from September to September) was really the year that most people identify with because that is when our children’s activities, educational expenses, increased communication and travel requirements are at their greatest. 

Living through a separation is by no means ever going to be easy.  However, being able to control your own destiny on topics as important as your own family, makes Collaborative Family Law a very enticing method. The alternative we all know about, going to court, makes great American television, but is the least conducive to solving the problems of a fracturing family. I would think that having a 60-70 year-old person in a red sash who does not know you from Adam, deciding the fate of your family, would be an anathema to most people [i.e. yuccch!].

It goes without saying that, if you can control the procedure and work done within it, you can also control costs which, if anyone reading this has ever gone to court knows, it can be well beyond control and, like money you take on a vacation, ends up costing many times the amount than originally anticipated.

How is that made possible? As part of the collaborative family law process we have collaboratively trained professionals on our roster who are “with the program”. For example we need to determine “a budget” for support purposes we can access a financial professional, often an accountant, to assist. The goal is to have two successful households, in separate locations. If we need to determine the value of a home, as one party is purchasing the others interest in it, we can hire a professional, together, to get that information, and split that cost and reducing the over all cost.

As a result, Collaborative Family Law provides a method of navigating, much like a canoe down a river, around rocks and pitfalls, in a way that allows you to weave your way to a successful separation.  With any luck, to extend the metaphor, you make it down the river safely and dry!